The night of 7th July 2012 is a night that I will truly remember...
Its been almost 3 years since I moved to W328. Initially, it was truly hard to let go of my ex-cell group. It was in that cell group were I made some very good friends including a very dedicated discipler Sandra, my best friend who brought me to CHC, Sebrina, as well as other friends whom I've built a close relationship through camps and fellowships. W133 was truly a cell group close to my heart that I thought would last forever, until....
There was a shift in cell group arrangements. It ended up that I went over to W328 totally seperated from the closest friends I had in Church. Although 1 or 2 rather close friends followed me ( Andy and Nap ), I still felt totally lost and upset. It was a totally different realm and the dynamics were rather different.
For the first time ever, I was under a male leadership. While I truly admired his success stories and sincere heart, I never really felt close to my leader. In fact, I never really felt close to anybody in the cell. Through the initial years, it was truly a struggle, and I was always amazed at how quickly Andy and Napalie integrated in the new cell, and wondering why I couldn't do the same thing.
Yes, there were people who told me that I needed to be positive, and there were people who told me that I needed to take the initiative. But it was harder than it seems. There were conversations where I would say something and nobody would hear me. There were many times when I was always thinking of going off immedietely after cell or service as I didn't want to be caught in a situation where I'm not saying anything and it has hard to make my leave. Somehow I gave up on myself and thought that it was impossible to take the initiave to know others. It was naturally my character as an introvert. The initial years were spent wondering what would happen if I followed my best friend to her cell group and reminiscing on my ex cell group. And when I truly found a companion in the form of an SOT student who was here for 7 months, I mistook that as a reason to stay in the cell. She was the only person I really got to know better in the cell and
I mistook the desire to be wanted and accepted as a reason to justify getting into a relationship...
In the end the relationship didn't work out as it was long distance and there were no common friends that could help us to grow. It became streneous as clearly I had a low self esteem and my value became not dependent on who I am in God but on who I was with in a relationship.
All that changed this year. Somehow subsconsciously God must have told Pastor Kong what I was going through.
He started the year with the theme 'Relationship and Discipleship" How apt I thought. The church truly began teaching into building relationships. It was not only about the preaching and the speakers which came, but it was about the influence and actions which the leadership took to action into the plan. They didn't only talk the talk, but they walked the walk. From Pastor Kong to my ZS to my CGL, the message of discipleship and relationship took on a whole new level, and soon enough, the desire for relationships flowed down all the way to me.
The dedication of my leaders , esp my CGL, inspired me to change. I took the effort to frankly tell him all my issues which I would normally hide. I even asked him if it was better if I changed my cell group. Being the wise CGL that he is, he said he knew it all along. Then he challenged me with the question. Would things change if you changed CG? are there other instances when the same thing is happening. I agreed. The problem was not in my circumstances, but the problem was me. I needed to change.
After much discussion, we came to the conclusion that what I wanted was good relationships and fellowships with the CG, or with any group or ministry that I belonged to. He set that aim for me and gave me practical steps to grow closer towards that aim, starting of which was to improve on my confidence in God and who I am in Christ.
I realized that I needed to understand that it was not about me, but about others. What have I done for others? what have I done to appreciate others, listen to them, care for them, be by their side and to help them fulfill their dreams? the answer was a big fat nothing! I was always thinking about myself and how I can benefit from being in the CG.
From then on things started to improve drastically. I made the effort to ask more about my CG members and be interested in their lives. I started to serve more in cell group in little ways that I thought I could. I started to believe that God made me for relationships and to bless others. I started to believe that my confidence was in God. It made a whole lot of difference.
Which brings me to July 7, 2012.
It was an awesome and memorable night where we celebrated Mei Sum's birthday at Macau Express. It wasn't so much about he celebration that was memorable. It was that in the midst of the celebrations, it hit me that I was actually having fun. It hit me that I was having an enjoyable time (telling lame jokes and seeing many eyes roll) and it hit me that it was a night which I didn't want to end. It hit me that I was on my way to being a relationship builder and it hit me that I was with the exact right people of whom God wanted to place me with. Additionally, it was the night when Gershon laughed at my jokes for the first time, and it meant alot. It meant that we were getting closer and it is better to laugh at stupid things than to not talk at all. When I stepped up to sing 'I am cow' the cg really burst into laughter and although I looked kinda stupid, I really felt appreciated!
It was just like how Dr Robi put it in his parenting seminar. A cell group is truly a family and I am a spiritual son to my leaders. My spiritual fathers are there to firstly build relationships, and secondly to build in us good values and character in order to fulfill the objectives of the family through discipleship. Similarly, I caught the vision and objectives of my leaders, and was willing to be disciplied to change my life in order to firstly, build lasting relationships in the family, and secondarly, to fulfill the objectives to grow the family to the next level! just like a son to his family, I felt a sense of ownership for this family and that I had a part to play in building up others and contributing to the success and objectives of the family!
I'm still in this journey to build stronger relationships with the people around me but I believe that one day I will be able to lead sheep as well and be an expert relationship builder! I thank God for all that He's put me through and I also want to thank my leaders, especially Gershon, Andy, Napalie, Guowei, Yuxin , Amanda, Jedd, Gek Shan, Wiki (to a small extend but I still consider you to be a leader too) (sorry if I left out anybody) for being there for me and for growing me to catch the vision of relationship and dsicipleship!
I wanna end off with a song that Gerhson sang that night and which amplifies my emotions and all that I wanna say to my beautiful and beloved W328 peeps! Not to mention the couple who started it all, Pastor Kong and Sun! I'm praying for you guys!
Proverbs 17:17
A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.
John 15:12-15
My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command. I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master's business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.
How 6 songs collide !
Cheers and with much love!
Daniel Foo
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